


He Loves Me, But do I Love Him?

by ClaireFisher



Series: Words In Between [1]
Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Episode: s01e11 He Loves Me, F/M, Fluffy, Oops He’s Dead!, Romance, he loves me, he loves me not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireFisher/pseuds/ClaireFisher
Summary: After their speeding-date experience, Shawn and Juliet contemplate the strange feelings bubbling inside their hearts and wonder how accurate a simple questionnaire can be.Post-Episode 01x11: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead.
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Series: Words In Between [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817497
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	He Loves Me, But do I Love Him?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> So this fanfiction will be part of a series entitled "Words In Between" which will consist of extensions of the one-shots previously posted in my multichapter story "All Seasons With You".
> 
> In this other work, I always leave it open so anyone who feels like those short stories have the potential to become longer ones, more deep and dense, can ask me to write it down. 
> 
> I would like to thank the sweet PrePsychPineappleLover for suggesting the idea for this fic. Thank you for your constant support and kind words! I hope this meets your expectations ;) 
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy it, and please, leave a comment. I'll love to hear your opinion, suggestion, or anything else you feel like ;)
> 
> Let the series begin!

As he gazed at the ceiling above his bed, Shawn kept replaying the brief conversation he’d had with Jules just that night. How it took a lot of him to mask the disappointment engulfing him the moment she drew that invisible line of “we’re coworkers and this would never work out” between them. Not that he would give up after that, no way. He was too determined for his own good, but he couldn’t deny the pang in his heart the moment he saw her walk away from his table, blond curls being the last thing to disappear in the corner. 

He was left alone, for a brief second, to analyze what had just happened, before Gus barged in, inquiring him about things Shawn would never verbalize, not even to his best friend. And once he pushed the subject away, he was able to enjoy a carefree meal alongside his childhood buddy, grateful for not having time to explore further the events of that last week. 

But now, laying down in his bedroom, surrounded by nothing more than silence and the constant tick-tacking of the clock sitting at his nightstand, he felt compelled to think through the last case and all it brought to the surface. 

People often thought that he, Shawn Spencer, had dated so many girls that any attempt of reuniting all them in a large space would be in vain. And, being honest, that’s the impression he always wanted to give people, the image he proclaimed with vehemency, believing that if he sold this story enough, adding his flirtatious nature to the mix, nobody would question him about the truth hidden behind his troubled and complicated heart. 

But Shawn Spencer was so much more than a one-night stand guy. 

If you look closer, if you really pay attention and squeeze him enough, you’ll discover that Shawn had the approximate number of 15 dates during his runaway phase, 7 of those which actually lead to second and third dates, 3 of those which he considered giving a fair shot, none of them he ever desired to address the “G” word. 

Because, deep down, where no one could access, where even Shawn didn’t venture to explore, he was terrified of having his heart broken again, as cliché as it may sound. Being emotionally hurt practically his entire childhood, between dealing with his parents’ constant fights, the absence of his mother, the insane training imposed by his father, Shawn tried, for years, to build a wall strong enough to prevent anyone from trespassing the limits that give access to his heart. 

Unfortunately, he knew he couldn’t trust those walls, they were poorly built, weak because he has always been the person to take what everyone says about him seriously, even if at the moment he seems not to care or let the comment brush past him, storing it in his subconscious. But the curse part of having a brilliant mind would come to haunt him eventually, reminding Shawn of how much a failure people always thought he was, even his own father claiming it to be the truth. 

So, if that’s what people thought he was, why not give them something to really talk about, then?

And so he would joke, be as immature as he could be without really humiliating himself. Would flirt with every woman crossing his way so he would never have the necessity to analyze his feelings deeper, avoiding to touch the still bleeding wound caused by his insecurities and troubled teenage years. 

For a while his plan worked just fine, flirting, dating, building a believable enough image of a carefree and reckless bachelor… Until Juliet O’Hara came. 

Her petite form, that possessed equal amounts of sweetness, strength, and determination, making her a very skilled detective, even if, at this current moment, she was still in the process of building a name for herself. She had a fire in her mesmerizing blue eyes, some resilience that would allow her to persist in the most frustrating cases, digging deeper and deeper until she found the answers. 

Jules was nothing he could put in simple words, different from every woman he ever met or flirted with, for that matter. She was unpredictable, unsettling, and still, the closer he ever was to understand what home feels like. 

And that scared the crap out of him. 

Because flirting with Jules wasn’t shallow and empty.

Flirting with Jules was blurting out his newly acquired feelings, disguised in his cheap comments and childlike actions. Flirting with Jules meant facing the truth that he was closer to having all the walls around his heart torn down than he ever predicted. 

She was capable of crawling unintentionally under his skin, in those few months, they knew each other, easier than any other person who tried, for years, to be in his life. 

So he would lie, constantly, freely.

Lie about who he was, about the nature of his job, about his past, about the level of maturity he possesses, that even being a lot lower than the expected for a 28 years old male, it’s higher than he claims it to be. 

But most of all he would lie about the feelings stored in his heart. 

The feelings only Juliet was capable of unraveling. 

And, although he doesn’t lie when he shows her how much he wants her, about how higher he claims her beauty to be, how fast he would run after her if she simply asked, the simple proximity of her and that pair of insanely blue eyes, her shy smile, and cheerful personality, causes him to throw himself even more at her, showering Juliet with compliments and invitations while his heart retreats the furthest it can, terrified of how easily that woman pierces through his barriers.

So he lied about copying her answers on his card because he couldn’t process the fact that they were a 100% match, “soulmates”. 

Not because he believed in the accuracy of that test, but because it revealed something deeper, something personal. 

Truth or not, reliable or not, that stupid and ordinary speed dating questionnaire pointed Juliet as his soulmate and now Shawn found himself believing, desiring, hoping, all in different and confusing levels, that Jules was, indeed, the other half of him. 

Juliet and her adorable self.

Juliet and her captivating blue eyes.

Juliet and her brilliance.

Juliet.

Juliet walked out of the bathroom with her fingers working on detangling her curls, her vain attempt to give her mind a task to focus on rather than venture in reasoning the events of her week. But as she sat on the comfortableness of her bed, losing her power to shut her mind down, the words of the overexcited woman in charge of the speed dating event kept hammering in her head like a church bell.

_ You and you are a 100% match from your personality questionnaires. I smell love. _

Love. 

A 100% match. 

Stupid questionnaires. 

She had clarified Shawn she didn’t buy into those things, certifying him that they were colleagues, that they couldn’t allow things to get awkward between them because their jobs came first, protecting the city of Santa Barbara was the priority and Juliet, still new to that town and to the department, still on the process of building a reputation and respect for herself, couldn’t afford being swept up by a guy like Shawn, who, in the best-case scenario, wouldn’t go past the second date. 

She couldn’t let her heart be broken, not again, not by Shawn. 

Because, somehow, just in a few months, he had conquered her sympathy and friendship faster than any other person before. Her troubled past, her estranged and complicated relationship with her father, her disappointment in watching her mother break her heart repeatedly by dating wrong men, plus the line of work she had chosen, made Juliet a more guarded person by nature and necessity. 

So it surprised her when, of all people, at the city she decided to build a career, in a state she had never been before her transfer, Juliet found herself being dragged by that magnetic force it was Shawn Spencer. His clumsy way, his childish behavior, the need of having everyone’s attention at him at all times, the way he could infuriate and captivate a person in a matter of minutes, the way he easily found a path towards her heart, slipping his charm through the crevices of her well-built wall of mistrust that she disguised with her joyful and kind personality. 

As much as his words and acts over her seemed superficial, Jules could see deep under that mask he put on to step into the world every day. She could see underneath his cloak, what was hidden in that spark in his eyes that shone whenever he looked at her, making her stomach do funny loops, and her heart skip two or three beats. 

And knowing and observing that much about Shawn, she just couldn’t stop wondering if he was sincere when he said he had copied her answers in his own card. Knowing him for a while now, she was familiar with his not so transparent responses to the questions posed at him. So, could he be her true soulmate? Not that she believed in such things. 

That was just a made-up story to sell to hopeless romantic people, leading them into believing that somewhere in this big world, there was this one person, this individual whose heart was the other half of yours. That one person who wakes up every day wondering when their other half will show up, spending their entire lives on that wild goose chase, seeking just for the possibility of finding that someone who will turn their worlds upside down. 

So, no, she didn’t believe in such things as soulmates.

But, could he be the one?

That’s why she had the urge to call after him on that bowling alley, in the middle of her date, in which she spent the whole time thinking about him and their speed dating experience the night before? 

Did he have any feelings for her? 

That’s why he seemed a little upset when she told him she didn’t take any stock on those profile-matching thingies? 

No, he couldn’t, just couldn’t. It’s Shawn we’re talking about. Shawn, the guy who has any girl he wants with nothing more than his signature grin and smooth talk. Shawn, the guy who ran away from Santa Barbara the first opportunity he had and who probably saw the world while she was stuck in her hometown with no desire nor perspective of moving out. Shawn, the guy she knew bent the truth more than on one occasion and found his ways to slip the grasp of justice as easily as he relayed on it to make a living. Shawn, the guy who never took anything too serious, the commitment-phobic, the eternal bachelor. 

Knowing all that, Juliet was sure he couldn’t have feelings for her. Right? 

Besides, why should she care? 

They were friends, just friends, work colleagues. That one thing she had clarified for Shawn. 

She shouldn’t and she wouldn’t care.

But what if Shawn was wondering about it too? 

What if he was overthinking that last case just as much as she was? 

She needed to know. The uncertainty was killing her. She had to know the truth. 

But how?

Confronting him would be fruitless, Shawn would just retreat back to his shell, brushing her away and avoiding the subject until she dropped it. 

She was a Detective, she could read between the lines, his body language, his posture, and words, but, again, it would prove itself worthless because Juliet knew that whatever conclusions she drew from her analyzes would be tainted by her own suppressed feelings, admitting it or not.

Well, she could always go back to the restaurant and ask for a copy of his questionnaire, claiming it to be evidence needed for concluding the case. But the risk of being caught by the Chief, or worst, by Lassiter, wasn’t worth it. 

The determination that had been building up in her heart since she began wondering about that situation slowly deflated, leaving her now, tired and frustrated, disappointed at the fact that she might never know the truth behind Shawn’s antiques and answers. 

But, if it was any consolation, she was assured by the fact that they would be working side by side for a long time, having the Chief trusting him enough to bring Shawn to cases, to the displeasure of her cranky partner, more often than the whole department predicted. And maybe, with time, Juliet would have her answers. 

For now, she would have to settle with her own conclusions and with the evidence she has been collecting over the months of working alongside Shawn. 

But if she found herself now, a little bit more inclined to believe in love, in soulmates, in profile matching questionnaires, Juliet didn’t deny it at all. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> And I must say that, although the show paints this image of Shawn being a selfish, shallow, lady's man, mainly in the first two seasons, I personally don't buy it that much. I mean, I know he's a flirt but as the show develops we can see how much he cares, how much he suffered and that he's not as superficial as it appears to be, so that's what I tried to convey in my story. I apologize if, in the end, it's just too out of the character. 
> 
> Oh, and I know that until season six we're lured into believing that Jules' family fits the description Shawn "divines" in their first encounter but I decided to make this a more accurate fic ; )


End file.
